just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
