when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I had to cum in my sink.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
