I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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