I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
