she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
