Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
