Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
