Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
