My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
