dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
