I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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