alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
