Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
