i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
