She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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