So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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