He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
As shirtless as possible
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
