Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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