he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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