The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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