I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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