I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
