there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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