i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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