Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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