i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
