i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
