I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
