she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
