just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
