So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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