im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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