Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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