i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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