I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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