I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
