Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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