So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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