He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
