Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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