I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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