East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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