Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
