Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
