just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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