I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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