We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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