Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
