matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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