Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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