Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
