He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
