I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
