The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
