Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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