We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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