think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
