She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
