Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
