i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
