There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
