the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
