When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
