there's paper in my vomit.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
