guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
