The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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