i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
